Spam, Wonderful Spam

If you thought spammers and scammers would use anything as an excuse to spam you or try to trick you, you were right. The events of 11 September are no exception. What I want to know is – if it’s OK for governments to over react to the New York and Washngton attacks by passing over-the-top security laws, why can’t the internet standards bodies pass anti-spam/scam recommendations to stop this stuff at an ISP or higher level? Or perhaps now it’s me who’s over reacting.

But after four years on the internet (longer if you count FIDOnet etc) I get a lot of spam, and it is getting worse, in both quantity and crassness. Here are the subject lines from just a few of the 138 spam emails I’ve received in the last two weeks (to be fair, most were received at my two free email accounts that I use openly). My comments are in blue.

ADV: Making SERIOUS money has never been this EASY!! (or illegall!)
Contest Ends Monday 12pm EST !! HURRY TO WIN !! (hurry to get ripped off!)
In 60 seconds we’ll start shopping for you (We’ll rip you off in 60 seconds!)
Your Own Internet Business in 30 seconds FREE!! (Improved! Ripped off in 30 seconds!)
IM NAKED AND LONELY (Then I suggest you get dressed)
do you like big busted women (I like my women medium-sized and in working order thanks)
FREE MONEY!! (This one is simple and direct. And a scam)
ENLARGE YOUR PENIS GUARANTEED (Now that’s one guarantee I’d like to see enforced in a court of law)
Cellphone Signal Booster $14.95 (Get a brain tumour in half the time!)
Manuf. Production/Contrl Software For $1,495.00! (Wow – expensive spam!)
Do u Know why you receive so many email? (Because of illierate spammers like you!)
SHY ABOUT YOUR PENIS? ADD INCHES FAST!!! (I thought most shy guys already knew how to make their penis get longer fast…)
LET ME UNDRESS FOR YOU!!! (I can undress myself, thanks)
Build Self Confidence, Increase Your Breast Size (My self confidence would go down if my breasts enlarged)
Swing LOOOW, Sweet Chariot (Another penis scam – who makes up these subject lines?)
DOCTOR DEVELOPED AND TESTED! (They’re developing and testing doctors now?)
Hot Celebrities Exposed (perhaps they were just trying to cool down?)
Be in the Company of Kings,Queens,Pharaohs,and Gods ! (Gee – they get spam too?)
E-mail your message to 3600 people – safely (There’s an unsafe way?)
$1000 FOR YOUR VACATION! (Sold! Gimme my money!)
the hidden darker side of the Internet exposed (So I’m guessing it’s no longer hidden or dark?)
Save up to 70% on your Life Insurance! (By dying young! See the Cellphone Signal Booster above)
Breast Enhancement Cream !!!! (What does an “enhanced” breast look like? What happens if I wipe this cream on my elbow? Do I get an enhanced elbow? What if I wipe this cream on my cat? Meanwhile, will it enhance my hands as I rub it in?)